Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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