Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
