Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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