I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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