Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
