bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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