just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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