All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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