I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
