I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
