how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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