dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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