She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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