everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
