He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
