apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
