so let's talk penis.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
