Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
