Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
