you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
