Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
