tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
