the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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