I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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