All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
