why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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