Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
