Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
