ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
