You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
