He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i think i just lost a toe
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
