i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
