I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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