I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
