you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
