I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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