She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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