i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
