When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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