waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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