I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
