Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
