Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
