You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
