two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
