I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
