I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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