Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
