if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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