I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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