So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
