He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
